Without Category

I’d never heard of a psychologist named Sam Goldstein but I read an article about what he has to say and found it so valuable I want to share it. He points out that our culture pressures us into shining, from kindergarten with its gold stars to social media, to so many walks of life where the message is that we need to be better than the rest. Being average he tells us is what makes the world stable. The bus drivers, the carers, the teachers, are considered average; they’re not CEO’s or stars but they make the world function better and with more compassion.

It’s OK to be who we are, he tells us, it’s important to just be present, to be where we are and who we are without having to shine.  And through our presence, he goes on, we can lead a life of purpose without needing to be a star.  He underlines that making coffee for a friend who needs to talk can be a big thing. 

Besides the instance of making someone coffee, there are so many such moments in life, moments that ought to remind us that being average doing average, normal things is beautiful.

It’s a phrase coined by Pope Francis. I don’t know how it will end up as part of his legacy, but it ought to be prominent. He was pointing to opening our hearts, referring to our tendency to be desensitized to the world’s suffering and the consequences that desensitization leads to.

It is a phrase we ought to remember and it holds a meaning we ought to practice. It is not a matter of its having been said by a Catholic pope, its meaning is far too universal for that. It captures what it means to be a decent human being, a growing human being, a better human being, a human being who contributes to the making of a world with more compassion, understanding, tolerance, justice and equality. It not only encapsulates one of our problems, it shows us its answer.

Despair is not an option. The phrase in an article by David Remnick, editor of the New Yorker, made a strong impact upon me. He mentioned it in relation to Trump and then referenced it at the beginning of the war in Gaza. I find it profound. I find it inspirational. I find it gives direction in instances when we feel there is none.  One thing we can say about the near future of the United States is to expect the unexpected. When what we fear happens, what are we to do? Be complacent? Be angry? Do nothing? None of these alternatives are constructive, none will get us out of our morass. And if despair is not an option we shall have to fight. I don’t mean take up arms, or be violent in any way,  I mean not take things laying down, I mean not  give in to hopelessness and instead going forward armed  by the values and principles we hold dear: the values that speak to and for our democratic society, the openness and inclusiveness it implies, the freedom of speech and of religion, the separation of church and state, the right to vote without hindrances. But if we’re going to do all that, we need to prepare ourselves, develop the inner fortitude, acquire additional knowledge, recognize and rely upon the inner resources available to us in order to endure whatever we may have to so as to eventually prevail over the long journey ahead. No, despair is not an option because if it were, it would imperil our success. There’s a line from Leonard Cohen, the poet and singer, “the light gets in through the cracks.” So we shall find the crack that fits our voice and we shall be the candle in the darkness. I don’t know how many candles it will take, nor how long it will be for it all to be lit, but I do know there are very many of us.